I will always hold space for the subject of grief because it is one of the most constant and universal feelings we as humans experience. I don’t think there is anyone who cannot resonate with the feeling of grief and all the ways it can show up in our lives. Thankfully, art is an excellent and therapeutic way to help process and express grief.
Walk with me into a reflection of art, grief, my recent visit to 3rd Ward, and why it just doesn’t feel the same.
Going to third ward just doesn’t feel the same for me. I went over to TXSU on Sunday for an event to start off Homecoming week and the next day in reflection grief decided to show herself even bringing me to tears because grief can be just that unpredictable. For the past two years going to third ward hasn't been the same for me. Where I used to cruise in excitement to see that Scott Street exit from I-45, now my heart skips a beat. That’s all because during the time I attended TXSU, I worked at the small childcare center right between the campus and the parking garage on Ennis and Blodget and while there I was essentially adult adopted by the mother of Pilgrim, Mrs. T. Working with and being in proximity to her not only taught me a special way to care for children that the textbooks never could but she also healed parts of me that I didn't know were even broken.
Even after I moved on from that place to explore other career options I would still go back to visit her and sit with her every month or two then my visits became more spread out post-COVID. Either way, there was never a time that I showed my face in 3rd Ward or near Texas Southern University and I did not darken the doorway of her classroom to watch the joy come over her face by my surprise visit. I would spend hours sometimes working, and caring for the babies in her classroom. Sitting with her in silence sometimes as she watched the news during her lunch break. Just existing in her presence was medicine. In the more than 10 years that I was blessed to know her, her guidance, energy, love, and wisdom saved me more times than I can count from the darkest parts of my soul. While I am grateful for all the mother figures divinely placed throughout the many stages of my life she was without question Supreme.
I share all the context of how beautiful and magnificent it was to be in relationship with such a person so there is clear understanding for how much is hurt when she passed away. The night I found out she passed I was sitting alone at home and if the walls could talk they wouldn’t even be able to form the words to tell about the cries I let out that night. The next morning before I could open my eyes good, tears were falling down my face and then was when I knew for sure I was grieving and this one was going to be hard. That day I felt like I had two options, it was paint all day or cry all day. So I did both. I painted and cried and marked my love for her in time through the work I titled “Grieving Life”. The artwork features rhythmic and vibrant colors disrupted by a streak of black but recovered in vibrant colors, because death happens and we grieve and when we are intentional about healing, life can be vibrant again. “Grieving Life” includes intentionally controlled layers because it is structure, coordination, and management that are sometimes needed when we are faced with unexpected life changes like grief.
Having left my emotions in that work of art I still knew things were just different, the world was just different. Although, I have been intentionally working through the aches of her passing, going to 3rd Ward just doesn’t feel the same.
Series: Life Is Life-ing
Title: “Grieving Life”
40x30 Mixed Medium on canvas
C.2022
The artwork was originally created from my love and grief of Mrs. T, however “Grieving Life” can also dedication to any village member, to family lost, to loved ones lost to disassociation, to loss of the old version of you.
